Scorching heatwave has breached British shores, bringing temperatures of 31ºC to parts of the UK. Temperatures are expected to shoot above 35ºC before the weekend.

The #weather is set to turn hotter over the next few days thanks to heat spreading north from the near continent pic.twitter.com/ozYVucZYfv

— Met Office (@metoffice) 17 July 2016

Government officials have been issuing fatwas and health warnings due to the extreme weather conditions, more usual in Syria and Iraq.

The hot weather and humid air is expected to trigger thunderstorms over the next few days, from Tuesday evening until late on Wednesday, with a severe weather warning for rain and the possibility of flash-floods.

A spokesman for UKIP is reported to have said, “Since the legalisation of gay marriage in Britain, we should expect more severe weather in future.”

Speaking on behalf of Britain First a protester outside a mosque said, “the sooner we get out the EU, the sooner them Muslims will leave and take their Muzlamic weather with them and we can get our good old British weather back, like in the old days.”

Aside from these fringe elements, more mainstream politicians have been calling on the EU to stop sending their weather over to the UK…

When asked to comment, Jean-Claude Juncker, President of the European Commission was described as being puzzled, wondering why he was being asked about the weather. Other EU leaders were of a similar mind, with Angela Merkel allegedly wondering if people in the UK knew they were living on the same continent, and France’s President François Hollande is reputed to have pointed out that France can stop immigrants at the UK/France border, but not the weather!

As he was briefed on the current situation, United States Secretary of State John Kerry is reported to have remarked, “haven’t they heard of Global Warming?”

An i-reporter sent in this photo of the Arrow Valley Lake in Redditch. (Jagadeesh NV—EPA)