The Need For Training Avoid Argument
~ Mawlana Shaykh Nazim Adil Al-Haqqani
The way is the way of good manners. Everyone must learn good manners so he may be a good person. Man may have a good personality or a bad personality. Originally, everyone without training has bad characteristics. The ego is strong at first. To have a good personality you must take the power from the hands of your ego. If you are leaving yourself in its hands you will be a bad personality. Therefore, at the same time Allah created the first man, He gave to him Prophethood. The first man is the first Prophet, so he might train his children with good manners and character.
Man is in need of training; therefore, Allah is giving him parents to teach him as a baby and child. But the training of Prophets is most important. Others teach you to give the ego its desires. Prophets teach to save us from our ego’s desires, because they are endless, asking more and more and still more, without limit. Following the ego’s desires, we tire and die tired. Prophets teach to stop within a limit, keeping one’s self from endless work and tiring. They teach us the purpose of life, showing us our destinations. Whoever follows this way has good personality; because the Prophets’ training is good manners for everyone. Now the Prophets are gone but their deputies can be found if one is searching for them. They teach people to save themselves from the assaults of their egos.
Now, an important good manner to listen to and act upon: medicine is for taking. A sick man is not putting it on the table and leaving it. Good manners are for acting. It is a good manner to listen to everyone who speaks to you. A bad manner is arguing. If you are 100 per cent in the right, all right in fact; still, don’t argue. This is prohibited. If you see that the person is asking to know what is right, you may speak; there is a place to enter. But if you see that he only wants to dispute, you should leave him; he is closed. Say to him only: is that so? Never any benefit comes by argument, people only become enemies because of it. This is the meaning of the verse, “You to your belief and me to mine.”
Argument extinguishes the light of iman (faith) in our hearts. Perhaps some words will come to you that you never thought about before and cause your faith to go down.The highest degree of good manners is: don’t argue and don’t say, “no, what foolishness.” There is no friendship after arguments. Hearts become cold. Our Grandsheikh said that his Grandsheikh never denied the words of anyone, even in the face of every no-good speaking. But later when speaking to a group of people, he would refer to that subject and the person concerned would know: ah, this is for me. Then he reconsiders his speaking. Everyone wants to be respected. It means: don’t show your teeth like dogs. Man smiles.
(Mercy Oceans – Book Two – Teachings of Abdullah Ed-Dagistani En-Naqshbandi)